this whole blog thing

makes me feel really empty.

Here's why:
i keep journals.
and not to .. remember things
but so that one day someone else can read them.
I realize that the things i write are not that important
and i feel like a blog might confuse someone into thinking that i think
i'm important.

which is so far from the truth.
so i'm torn.

i also think that people who MAY read it
will think i'm a whiny baby.
because.. i might possibly be.

The reason i posted a bulletin (it just keeps getting lamer, eh?)
asking if anyone would read this
is because
it hurts my feelings so much
to see my words
be so insignificant

and because i believe already that no one will be reading
i haven't even been trying to write
just.
ramble off about my
day.

The truth is, though,
that i'm not sure those words are really at all how i feel
because once i write them down
they look completely empty.
and feel untrue
and don't portray the intensity
that i feel
every single day
of my life.

I am, always have been, and believe i always will be
a very intensely
emotional
girl.

My feelings
overwhelm
me in every possible way

I get angry, just like anyone else
but the anger i feel is so passionate
i wish someone could understand that
because if they did
they would realize the
significant emotion
behind my sadness
the enormity of
my happiness
and
the problem that is
my indifference

because if i am indifferent
if this girl
who is to be so completely
overwhelmed
and
intense
feels indifferent

where has her intensity gone to?

Today i learned
the exact insignificance of my life.
and yours.
this universe
is far too big
to ever
give
a
damn.

Good Morning with VH1

Hello, all, or rather, lack there of!

School started tuesday. It's been good so far. Nothing too extremely exciting except that there's a girl named Juliana in my Theater class and i know i'm going to get SO confused. AND there's pool tables in the Student Activity Center, so that's awesome because now i have something to do with myself between my classes today. =)

My little brother called me yesterday! It was really exciting! He sounds like he's doing well and that nothing is to terrible. And apparently they feed them cookies, so..what can be bad about that?

It was really really awesome to hear from him. it definitely was the high point of my day.

My lack of job and money is really putting tension between me and joel. =/ not so awesome.

But we'll make it through. We always do. And we've already gone through the worst possible things we could have.

He took me out to Monza last night. It's an italian mobster themed pizza place with lots of alcohol and a stone oven. REALLLLLYY awesome. Anyways, we got a really good, spicy pizza and then joel discovered my exuberant talent of being awesome at crossing my eyes. We laughed SO hard. It was wonderful. And made me so happy. He was in tears from laughing. *grins* Definitely eased our tensions.

He's going to the gamecocks game today, so i won't see him when i get out of class. =/ He's going with one of the twins from upstairs. They may or may not stay the night in columbia at Mark's Mom's house (the twin) so i'm kind of sad because i don't think i'll get to see him until tomorrow when he's done with his first class.

lesob.

But patrick gets out tomorrow for two hours. So i'll get to see him. And i'm probably going to go to the parade for their first football game (their being the citadel).
yay!

And leslie and alex come up this weekend *grins* So i'll be hanging out with them. =)

I love mi familia.
y. novio.

I had a crazy dream i was hanging off the wing of an airplane while it was flying the night before last night.

It was... no fun.

So, to further highlight the lameness of my life

i have REALLLLLLLYY excited newsss!

Here's the thing: My job closed down last wednesday for three weeks and I JUST barely saved enough money for bills and rent. Then the day after, my left over scholarship money (because i'm just that good) came in. SO i bought my books and that new camera. So ...that money is null and void gone. SO i still have all the money i saved and maybe 60 dollars left over from my scholarship fund. But, as of yesterday, i had to get a bike lock and possibly a basket for my bicycle. And i tried to go to the cheapest places in the world because i can't afford someplace that is expensive, but i was finally forced to go to the bike shop because the two cheapest places in the world are also the two least stocked places in the world. SOOOO i bought a basket, but not a lock, because the bike shop had ittie bittie locks for more than i was willing to pay and the bookstore has ginormous locks for the same price, ONLY THING IS the bookstore is closed on sunday (which was yesterday).

I got home with even less money than before and the freakin basket DOESN'T fit. So..yeah. I'd have to buy a bigger one, which is much more expensive and thus i just can't get one all together.

SO AFTER THAT sob story, you're probably wondering where the happy part is.

WELL this morning i stumbled upon NOT ONE but TWO locks. I have an old rope lock, which i found in the closet and UNDERNEATH that was the key to joel's ULOCK that's ginormous. (oh yes, used that word twice!). I've been search for that key for freaking ever because if i found it i could use HIS lock and never have to buy one (cause he doesn't have a bicycle).

SO! That's the best news ever because now i can GET a bigger basket and not worry about moneyyyyy!!!

gah, i hate money.

anyways. An hour into my day and the best thing has already happened. Tomorrow i start classes. but maybe i can actually really get down to hampton park today instead of just talking about it. =)

it feels like my home is being invaded

the final two roommates moved in this weekend.
It feels really weird. because..well, i've established this place as my home for the past summer, and now NEW people are moving in. So..i almost feel like i'm playing hostess to two long term guests. (i wonder if parents feel like that..?). Anyhow, i have a kind of set way of living around here and i'm a tightwad, so my biggest concern is that they will change that.

Samantha, (i love her, yes), drove me off the deep end. And she's my best friend. But i had serious problems when living with her that i couldn't talk to her about because..well...they would have A) made me look like a bitch B) made me FEEL like a bitch and C) she gets kind of mad when you ask her to do stuff. So, thus said, if i can't handle living with my best friend then how will i beable to survive THIS!?

Because i feel like this place is MY HOME! not theirs really.

but i know that's not right. i'm just being territorial. *makes a face*

Anyways. . hopefully things will go well, and it won't get too messy and out of control to the point that I'M the ONLY ONE EVER CLEANING. Because i will pitch a fit.

I feel bad for joel because he's going to hear a lot of complaints from me if things go wrong.

Plus, i'm kind of scared of lauren. (intimidated..) She's very open about what she wants and doesn't like. And i kind of suck that all up and don't tell anyone. And i don't like it when people change things a lot that i've already settled. You know? I'm scared she'll be like "Oh i don't like this can we get it out of here", "can we move this here?", "Why don't we put this here?"



I GUESSSSSSS i'm mostly a pessimist and this could all work out right. But i kind of liked having an empty house for myself on nights i have off and joel doesn't.


On a different note, the mosquitos are freaking ridiculous. They are huge and fat and red and ugly. And i think it's from all the rain. and they bite me mercilessly. No fun.

And we had vince and amy up from clemson this past weekend cause amy had to take the PKAT. (PCAT?) They're very quiet. We took them to the beach and i felt like they weren't even there most of the time. Kept quite to themselves. and would almost immediately split off from us, even when we took them to the water front park. SO when they asked us today if we would want to go to market street with them (but only after joel assumed that we already were) I told joel no, and let amy and vince know we had errands to run. Because the seem to just kind of want to stay to themselves. . .
and amy never answer's her fucking phone.


When people do that, should they expect me to answer when they call?
I don't think so.

Joel's on his way home

Another day completely and totally trapped in this house. Arg.
It's been raining off and on all day. Downpouring. Just..nasty outside.

My camera batteries are dead. =/ And i haven't any money with which to buy new ones, so that means that....well...no more pictures for moi, two days into the making.

Although i got some lovely pictures of my hamsters. =)

ho.hum.

i may or may not make some tacos.
and i definitely missed out on a bowling trip.
if i weren't so bad with calling people,
i'm sure i would have spent the evening
knocking down pins
instead of sleeping on the couch
and cleaning the tub.



hahaha!
my life is most amusing.

Lion Tattoo Cont'd

Oh. And we also used to have a lion head knocker. Thus, reminder of my childhood.

I'm not swallowing.

I'm watching miami ink. And the buzzing of the ink gun makes me want another tattoo really badly. BUT, i don't think my parents would appreciate that.



I do want a lion head somewhere. (You might find yourself asking why a lion would be important to a girl who also thinks birds and sunflowers are important. Well, it's simply because of Narnia and my horoscope. Lions are just..fuckin awesome. As are tigers, but i don't want one of those. And panters. My favorite cat used to be Leopards. I forget that ALL the time. I forget they even exist all the time, cause those cheetahs just..blow them out of the water. They look like tigers..with spots. And i stop there)

and a sparrow. (not a swallow..which..are more common, obviously, and tend to come in pairs with really tacky colors).




I wanted this for a lonnggg time, but i couldn't think of a body part big enough to accomodate it.

but i love them damn birds.




I want to live in Pennsylvania. Where it snows. With amish kids and fruits. Especially since i have to see Jon and Kate plus Eight live there everyday.



Brittni's still here. She's asleep on the green leather couch. She is horrific at staying awake. Really sucks at it. She even fell asleep through Breakfast Club, and that was something she was EXCITED about. =) heh, i love that kid.



Joel called Thomas Jefferson a bad man.



hahahaha!



I found another mystery bug. He was a straggler. Must have just gotten back from work to see that his home had been raided (both..literally and figuratively). Got that bugger too.
I'm feeling somewhat like a nazi.....*makes a face*






i used to be witty.
i swear.

Yellow to the Future

I JUST uncovered a den of mystery bugs. And raided them all.
And no, they aren't palmetto bugs, thanks for asking.



I made apple crisp and broccoli casserole for dinner *smiles* and brittni ate it with me (she also got up all the bug carcasses.)



My roommate, Ashley, moves in tomorrow. And i haven't cleaned my room. And joel's gonna not be happy about that. But maybe the food will hold him off for a bit.


My day has been very nonchalent. But maybe tomorrow i'll get to get outside and use my vunderful camera.

oui?

My First Time

I'm completely not in the mood to do this right now, but if you would have checked in with me a couple of five hours (sense?) ago I would have been.



I went to the library today. For the first freakin time in forever. And got a bajillion books. The lady said I could take as many as i could carry. hah =)



Here's my brother. I haven't seen him sense the 16th. He could have been dead for all i know, so this picture brings me LOTS of hope. And he looks so DIFFERENT.
But handsome.. and alive, at least:



http://www.citadelphoto.com/proofing/photocart/index.php?do=photocart&viewImage=1656



go and see!






I also splurged and bought a new camera today. Probably bit off more than i can chew, but oh well. It's neat. And the twins and boyfriend are excited because then i can take continuous shots of their golf swings. haha =)


lovely!

PS: Slightest bit tipsy. fun!