I wish i knew who that last comment was from.

It's been a while.

A long while.

Update:
Joel and I broke up. Awful. Awful. Awful. He moved back home. Then we got back together for about oh..say..three days, but it's felt funky to me. And so i told him i couldn't be with him. Didn't take that so well. In fact..a lot worse than i expected. But that might have something to do with the fact that he didn't understand WHY i couldn't be with him. I explained it like this: the last couple months we lived together we clashed. Horribly. It was a nightmare. And he was mean mean mean a lot of the time. (not abusive or anything, just insensitive). I got to the point where i felt bad for even wanting to hang out with him, which..shouldn't happen. So the way i explained it to him was that he kinda chased me off and pushed me away. I'm like a frightened minerva (my rabbit). If you chase her around, she'll run from you every time you try to get close to her afterwards, even if you intend to be nice and pet her. Eventually, she'll come back on her own, but you can't force it out of her, you just have to wait. In this fucked up relationship situation, i am minerva, and i have to come back on my own. It's safe to say i don't trust Joel with my feelings right now.

SO fun.
Also, as of yesterday, might have mono. Can't wait to figure that out. In 12 days i turn 21.

Bleh.

Life has been new. and full of adventures lately, and it's awesome. Despite the mess between Joel and me. Which i guess we'll work out eventually? if nothing more, we'll be friends. So. Quick update. I have no idea if i'll ACTUALLY keep updating.

OH! And i have a new house! Or..i will in August! Can't wait! AND i was awarded a research grant. Spiffy <3

Tis all for now. Maybe forever? No idea.

Joel wrote this:

Her pants covered in paint is how I usually can see her in my head. A big abstract mess of a girl with blonde curly hair that looks as if it was part of the painting she is working on. Her smile can be such a spontaneous thing that makes me feel as if it will never be dark outside again. She stands there , awkwardly tilting her purple paint covered converses in a way that looks very uncomfortable; at least it looks that way to me. She dances and sways to her Ipod , seeming to follow the breeze that pushes her hair around. The bright green grass smells of summer and rain . I watch as her paint brush moves so swiftly and at times sloppily around on the white canvas. I think of all the times we stayed up watching movies or going clothes shopping, and how silly she can be. Her hair is pulled back revealing her wing tattoos . They look like they have always been a part of her, since childhood. Its her way of reminding herself she’s free and has the ability to soar to great heights. Her soft white skin , speckled with ocean blue and blood red splashes from her paint, reminds me of all the times we went to the beach this summer.

two things worthy of interest

The Seven Gables burnt down. Which, really hurts me. That building was always such a mystery to me. As a kid it was pretty much magical. So it's like a chapter of my imagination has been closed for good. =/ But i'll always love that building. And all old, broken down houses and buildings. They all have something about them that i find irresitable. My only hope now is that they'll rebuild it. And not build some shit modern things.

Anyways. there it is.

Second. And i know this is lame. But one of my robo hamsters seems to have broken his leg. and it's really pitiful. And they're too small to operate on, so i'm not sure what to do about it. I'm going to take the wheels out, though, even if they'll be sad about it, because i want him to heal.

There they are. Ashely and Cooper.

Also, you should watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE5xmFAcW-U

let me know if you yawned or not. =)

hanna

Comcast guy just said that hanna turned right towards us.

So i'm thinking high flood waters?

this whole blog thing

makes me feel really empty.

Here's why:
i keep journals.
and not to .. remember things
but so that one day someone else can read them.
I realize that the things i write are not that important
and i feel like a blog might confuse someone into thinking that i think
i'm important.

which is so far from the truth.
so i'm torn.

i also think that people who MAY read it
will think i'm a whiny baby.
because.. i might possibly be.

The reason i posted a bulletin (it just keeps getting lamer, eh?)
asking if anyone would read this
is because
it hurts my feelings so much
to see my words
be so insignificant

and because i believe already that no one will be reading
i haven't even been trying to write
just.
ramble off about my
day.

The truth is, though,
that i'm not sure those words are really at all how i feel
because once i write them down
they look completely empty.
and feel untrue
and don't portray the intensity
that i feel
every single day
of my life.

I am, always have been, and believe i always will be
a very intensely
emotional
girl.

My feelings
overwhelm
me in every possible way

I get angry, just like anyone else
but the anger i feel is so passionate
i wish someone could understand that
because if they did
they would realize the
significant emotion
behind my sadness
the enormity of
my happiness
and
the problem that is
my indifference

because if i am indifferent
if this girl
who is to be so completely
overwhelmed
and
intense
feels indifferent

where has her intensity gone to?

Today i learned
the exact insignificance of my life.
and yours.
this universe
is far too big
to ever
give
a
damn.

Good Morning with VH1

Hello, all, or rather, lack there of!

School started tuesday. It's been good so far. Nothing too extremely exciting except that there's a girl named Juliana in my Theater class and i know i'm going to get SO confused. AND there's pool tables in the Student Activity Center, so that's awesome because now i have something to do with myself between my classes today. =)

My little brother called me yesterday! It was really exciting! He sounds like he's doing well and that nothing is to terrible. And apparently they feed them cookies, so..what can be bad about that?

It was really really awesome to hear from him. it definitely was the high point of my day.

My lack of job and money is really putting tension between me and joel. =/ not so awesome.

But we'll make it through. We always do. And we've already gone through the worst possible things we could have.

He took me out to Monza last night. It's an italian mobster themed pizza place with lots of alcohol and a stone oven. REALLLLLYY awesome. Anyways, we got a really good, spicy pizza and then joel discovered my exuberant talent of being awesome at crossing my eyes. We laughed SO hard. It was wonderful. And made me so happy. He was in tears from laughing. *grins* Definitely eased our tensions.

He's going to the gamecocks game today, so i won't see him when i get out of class. =/ He's going with one of the twins from upstairs. They may or may not stay the night in columbia at Mark's Mom's house (the twin) so i'm kind of sad because i don't think i'll get to see him until tomorrow when he's done with his first class.

lesob.

But patrick gets out tomorrow for two hours. So i'll get to see him. And i'm probably going to go to the parade for their first football game (their being the citadel).
yay!

And leslie and alex come up this weekend *grins* So i'll be hanging out with them. =)

I love mi familia.
y. novio.

I had a crazy dream i was hanging off the wing of an airplane while it was flying the night before last night.

It was... no fun.

So, to further highlight the lameness of my life

i have REALLLLLLLYY excited newsss!

Here's the thing: My job closed down last wednesday for three weeks and I JUST barely saved enough money for bills and rent. Then the day after, my left over scholarship money (because i'm just that good) came in. SO i bought my books and that new camera. So ...that money is null and void gone. SO i still have all the money i saved and maybe 60 dollars left over from my scholarship fund. But, as of yesterday, i had to get a bike lock and possibly a basket for my bicycle. And i tried to go to the cheapest places in the world because i can't afford someplace that is expensive, but i was finally forced to go to the bike shop because the two cheapest places in the world are also the two least stocked places in the world. SOOOO i bought a basket, but not a lock, because the bike shop had ittie bittie locks for more than i was willing to pay and the bookstore has ginormous locks for the same price, ONLY THING IS the bookstore is closed on sunday (which was yesterday).

I got home with even less money than before and the freakin basket DOESN'T fit. So..yeah. I'd have to buy a bigger one, which is much more expensive and thus i just can't get one all together.

SO AFTER THAT sob story, you're probably wondering where the happy part is.

WELL this morning i stumbled upon NOT ONE but TWO locks. I have an old rope lock, which i found in the closet and UNDERNEATH that was the key to joel's ULOCK that's ginormous. (oh yes, used that word twice!). I've been search for that key for freaking ever because if i found it i could use HIS lock and never have to buy one (cause he doesn't have a bicycle).

SO! That's the best news ever because now i can GET a bigger basket and not worry about moneyyyyy!!!

gah, i hate money.

anyways. An hour into my day and the best thing has already happened. Tomorrow i start classes. but maybe i can actually really get down to hampton park today instead of just talking about it. =)